


Unbeing dead isn't being alive

by aimeewrites



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Holby City, UNIT: the New Series (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 06:10:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20990141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimeewrites/pseuds/aimeewrites
Summary: Bernie Wolfe has a twin. Luckily for her, her twin, Kate Stewart, has useful allies...So when she dies... Maybe Kate can help.(title by ee cummings)





	1. Chapter 1

Pain – just unbearable, atrocious pain, and then silence- the type of spatial silence one could hear, because it was just so empty…

“Ma’am – ma’am, what happened?”

Kate Stewart blinked and slowly opened her eyes, focusing on a blurry Osgood. She groaned and tried to extend her limbs, one by one. For some unknown reason, she was lying on the floor in her office, and since she had never attempted yoga or any kind of limbering up, it wasn’t likely her position was voluntary. She did, however, seem unhurt.

“What happened?” she murmured. Her head and heart were still pounding in synch and even her own voice resonated painfully.

“I’m not sure, Ma’am,” admitted Osgood. “I heard a noise, and when I came in, you had fainted.”

“Fainted? Nonsense! I don’t faint! That’s not the way I was brought up!”

Noticing Osgood’s slight smirk, Kate bit her lips: “All right – since I’ve no idea what happened, I’ll have to take your word for it. How long was I out for?”

“Again, I’m not sure, Kate. I think we should get you to the hospital – you need a check up.”

“No way. I’ve got a to-do list as long as the ramparts of the Tower. I’m fine – I’m sure it’s just..” Kate’s mind was working furiously - of course, she was exhausted. Since the Master had left them a Wirrn egg as a parting gift, she hadn’t slept much. She had had to deal with the consequences of the invasion of a small, charming, sleepy British town by a mass of Alien, mind-stealing insects, and the government had been none too happy it had gone that far. For that matter, her conscience didn’t really let her sleep easy either – she couldn’t help dwelling on the fact she had ignored Colonel Shindi’s advice to destroy the base while she still could. But would she really have been able to sleep again if she had sacrificed her team? If she had blown up Osgood and Shauna? Blown up …Blown up – a sharp pang flashed through her head and she whimpered, clutching it with both hands to make the pain stop. And then she knew. Her heart constricted in agony and she let out another cy, like a wounded animal. Oblivious of Osgood watching her, she cradled herself and tried to fight off the iciness invading her body. Osgood came to kneel beside her chair and took her hand, and Kate tried to get a grip on herself. For God’s sake – she was Chief Scientific officer of UNIT – she couldn’t allow herself to fall to pieces, especially in the presence of a subordinate. She gritted her teeth and forced a small smile: “Osgood – I wonder if you could do me a favour. I don’t really feel like coffee at the moment, but I’d love a cup of tea – I – it’s – it’s just a migraine – I’ve had those before – I’ll be fine.” She was lying and she knew Osgood knew she was lying, but if the small fib could get the younger woman away…

Osgood stood up reluctantly and left the room, promising she wouldn’t be a sec. Left alone, Kate closed her eyes, let her whole body tense and release and turned to her computer. With a deep sense of foreboding, she typed a few words and found the website she was looking for – her access as CSO of UNIT to the Forces’ highest commands, where she could see in real time all the ops the British army was engaged in and all the casualties. She scrolled down the list – Iraq, Afghanistan, Africa… She zeroed in on two humanitarian rescue missions near Kenya – Ethiopia and Somalia. Ethiopia – all quiet there, apparently. Then she clicked on the Somalian one and a red mist appeared in front of her eyes. She swayed and had to clutch her desk to stay seated. “IED explosion at the airport. Four dead on the scene, two DOA at the hospital, six wounded.” Her eyes scanned the list of names…There she found it “Major Berenice Wolfe, DOA.” Kate just sat there, stunned – so stunned she couldn’t even cry or scream. Her twin was dead. How could she go on living? Then her thoughts turned to her nephew and niece – Cameron and Charlotte – they must be devastated. She had no contact with Charlotte – the young woman had tarred her with the same brush as her mother and for some reason, had severed all communication with both of them. She did, however, see Cameron occasionally when he came up to London. She had to call him – but what would she say? Offer her condolences – of course, but not until she was sure she couldn’t do anything. Kate turned from her computer and reached into a drawer for a device that looked like a mobile phone from the early 1990s. She entered a special code and waited for an answer. Osgood came back with a steaming cup of tea and she thanked her with a nod, refusing to meet the younger woman’s eyes by pretending she was busy on her computer. She knew if she began to talk she would unravel completely. The brunette lingered for a few minutes but what she saw in Kate’s set jaw and eyes made her bite her lips and leave.

Once she was alone again, Kate reached for a mirror in her handbag. To her dismay, she saw her red eyes and the traces of tears on her cheek – she hadn’t even noticed she had been crying. She cleaned her face as best as she could and tried to focus on work, but it was useless – her mind was already in the air, flying to Somalia. Although – she wouldn’t really be flying, would she? Tardising? That is, if she could convince the Doctor help. The young blonde had seemed to have a soft spot for her the last time they’d met, so hopefully it wouldn’t be too difficult.

Ages later – or rather half an hour which had seemed excruciatingly long – Josh Carter knocked at her door, informing her that the Tardis had landed in a church garden not far from the Tower and that so far it had blended rather well with the scenery. Kate grabbed her mobile-like device and deciphered the message she had just received “Church – now – inside.” No need for a signature – this was the red line for the Doctor. Kate grabbed her jacket and almost ran out of her office, asking Josh to hold the fort while she was gone.

She walked as fast as she could, noting wryly that 1 – although she loved her high heels, they weren’t the best idea for speed-walking and 2 – she should really go back to training, since she didn’t use to get out of breath so quickly. Seeing no trace of the Doctor outside the building, she went into the church and found the young woman sitting in a pew, calmly observing the ceiling.

“I like churches – they’re peaceful. Don’t you?”

Kate slid in the pew beside the Doctor: “Yes – yes – I guess so. Doctor – I – I need your help.”

The younger woman focused her attention on Kate – the Doctor had more than a slight crush on the CSO of Unit and she would have done almost anything to help her – but it wouldn’t do to appear too eager.

“Oh? You do?”

“Yes – it’s – it’s my sister – my twin – Bernie. She…” Kate bowed her head and focused on her hands: “She’s … She lost her life.” That sounded better than “died”.

“I’m so sorry, Kate, but …”

“I need to get her back. I – I have to.”

The Doctor frowned: “Kate – that could be dangerous – you of all people know you can’t play around with time.”

“I don’t want to “play around”; I need to get to her before the IED – you don’t understand – I don’t have a choice – otherwise …Otherwise, I don’t think I can live with myself.” Kate quietened down to a murmur, realising she was almost shouting. “I need her – her children need her – the world need her.”

The Doctor reached for Kate’s hand and caressed her wrist: “I understand. I shall help you. But – but you know it’s dangerous, right? And that there’s no way your commanding officers would sanction a mission like that, so you’ll have to go rogue for a while.”

Kate nodded: “I know – doesn’t matter. Take me to her – before the 16th of July, 9.32 am.”


	2. Chapter 2

Mogadishu, Aden Adde International Airport 16th of July, 5.11 am  
Luckily, the tarmac was empty when the Tardis materialised at the far end of a runway. The hot, dry, stifling heat engulfed Kate and the Doctor as they stepped outside the blue box. A little more than four hours to wait. Kate knew full well time wasn’t tricked that easily – if she wanted to save Bernie, she was going to wait until the last moment. She fortified herself by thinking about her own death – about how she had seen her own dead body lying on the ground, and how she finally hadn’t died…Everything was possible. Everything had to be possible.   
“Kate ?”  
“Hm ?”  
“You know what’s going to happen, don’t you?”  
“I’m sorry?”   
“Your sister,” explained the Doctor patiently – she knew how excruciating it was to lose someone you loved. “Bernie – even if you save her – she won’t be able to come back just then. You’ll know, but the others won’t. You’ll have to comfort your family – her kids – pretending she’s dead – until she can come back. It’s going to be difficult for you.”  
Kate knew that – she was a terrible liar – but she would do anything for her twin. She nodded: “I know – the only thing that matter is that she’ll be safe – and I’ll look after her. I arranged everything at headquarters; I left Shindi in charge – he’ll manage – I had holiday time long overdue…”  
She would spend all her time with Bernie at the hospital – she just hoped she could get to her before she was seriously wounded. She knew her twin would have to spend time in a coma to recover for “unbeing” dead – such were the laws of time. The army would declare her MIA and… And then, she could only hope Cameron and Charlotte didn’t fall to pieces before Bernie could surface again. She sat on the ground and rested her head on her arms – she thought of all the times Bernie had got her out of scrapes when they were young… And how they had sometimes shared the blame and the punishment for a naughty escapade. She had to save her.   
9 am. The first bomb exploded. From her secluded position, Kate saw a small group of military medics jump out of a jeep and run towards the wounded. Her heart began to beat faster – Bernie was there – she was too far to recognise her under the battle dress, but she knew. Why didn’t any of them have a Horn detector? Surely they must know there might be other IEDs… If she had been a nail-biter, she wouldn’t have any left. Instead, she chewed on her little finger, and teased the cuticles to blood. 9  
9.8 am. Kate began to run to the group. She saw Bernie’s face, yanked her by the arm, dragged her a few feet away and threw her to the ground. Everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

**UNIT Hospital, Surrey **

Something must have gone wrong. Maybe she was dead too. All that white… Her vision swam a little and she concentrated on a steady beeping sound in the room. Then Kate managed to open her eyes completely. She was hooked up on too many cables and tubes to be dead. She was in hospital. Alone. She had failed – she should have died too, then.

When the door opened on an unknown woman, she barely glanced at the stranger in a white coat – nothing mattered anymore.

“Ms Stewart – I’m Doctor Gantz – welcome back to us; how are you feeling?”

“Where am I? How did I get here?”

“Maybe we should save the explanations for later, Ms Stewart – when you’ve recovered a bit.”

Kate looked at the woman imperiously and ordered: “Now!” in her best frosty officer tone.

The doctor did not seem impressed, but she sighed and begun: “The Doctor brought you here. She told us what happened – you were lucky, you know – not even a broken arm or leg – you had a concussion, a sprained ankle, a few broken ribs – but apart from that, you’ll be as good as new in a few days.”

Kate closed her eyes – so that was it – she HAD failed.

“Your sister was lucky too – she …”

Kate’s eyes flew open: “I’m sorry, what did you say??”

“Your sister is in the other room – you look like carbon copies of each other – plus we tested your DNA. She’s still unconscious, but there’s no reason she won’t wake up – hopefully without after-effects.”

“It worked – it really worked”, murmured Kate weakly as she drifted into sleep again.

She was woken up again later by a nurse: “You have visitors, Ms Stewart – should I let them in?”

Kate nodded, although each movement of her head sent painful waves through her neck and back: “Yes please. Thank you.”

An unlikely pair came in – Osgood and her nephew Cameron. Osgood immediately made a bee-line for the bed while Cameron dithered near the door. As the younger woman came nearer, Kate realised she had been crying and was trying unsuccessfully to breathe through her mouth.

“Osgood – inhaler!” Kate said sharply and motioned her colleague to the chair beside the bed. Then she extended her arm towards her: “Calm down, Osgood – I’m fine – I’ll be fine. See? All in one piece.”

“Kate! I thought we’d lost you, Ma’am – I’m sorry for crying, but… When the Doctor said…”

“I know – I’m sorry for frightening you, Osgood. You don’t have to say anymore – remember my mission was top secret!”

Kate prayed Osgood would read between the lines and understand she could not mention Bernie in front of Cameron. She assumed the Doctor had explained the circumstances to her colleague – anyway, she hoped so.

“Yes – yes, of course, Ma’am. Sorry – I’ll- I’ll pull myself together. Back in a sec.”

Osgood left the room, leaving Kate with a blank-faced Cameron. She couldn’t read what he was feeling at all. Finally, he came to stand at the foot of the bed. Time for a little lying: “I’m so sorry, Cameron – your mother… She was the best surgeon I’ve ever seen. I – I know you must be in pain. I…”

He didn’t let her finish: “You’re sorry? You’re sorry? What for, exactly? For trying to get yourself fucking killed too?? You thought I should have a dead aunt as well as a dead mother? You’ve no bloody idea how I feel – no bloody idea!!” He was shouting. When a nurse poked her head in and asked if there was a problem, he calmed down marginally.

“You’ve no idea – you’ve been in a coma for a month, Kate! A month! You missed the funeral, you missed the memorial service. Charlotte is a wreck – I can barely function at work. Serena has taken compassionate leave…”

“Serena? I thought …” Kate’s mind was working furiously – maybe her memory was playing tricks on her – a long coma would do that to an individual- but she was pretty sure that in one of her rare emails, Bernie had told her about her relationship status. Just a few words. “Serena and I – it’s over. She doesn’t want me.”

Cameron smiled bitterly: “Yes – we all thought so. But – we were wrong. Serena had plans – she was going to go to Nairobi after all. And Mum – well, she was planning on coming back here – so – they both wanted to patch things up, and now it’s too late. Serena … She doesn’t eat, she’s begun to drink again… I’m not sure she’ll recover.”

“She has to!” retorted Kate sharply. “She has to. For…” What could she say? “For Bernie’s sake – her memory, I mean. Bernie wouldn’t want her to throw her life away.”

Cameron shook his head: “No – of course not – but – can you blame her? After losing Elinor…and then Alex – I assume you know about Alex?”

Kate nodded.

Cameron went on: “Alex came to the hospital – for the memorial. She told Serena she and Mum had been engaged…Then finally – she told the truth, but… It was a shock for Serena. Made everything even harder. Alex brought her Mum’s journal and… there were plans…for her garden – for them both. Mum still loved her. They still loved each other…” Cameron’s voice faltered: “And the worst thing is… They didn’t even find the body – just pieces of body armour.”

Kate lowered her eyes, afraid Cameron would read the truth in them. So much pain for everyone. And she couldn’t tell him. She couldn’t make it better. She could feel her eyes closing and she just stayed awake long enough to see Cameron wave awkwardly and leave. She only hoped Bernie would wake up soon. Cheating death had consequences, but they had already paid a heavy price.


	4. Chapter 4

**Surrey, Holby, beginning of September **

As soon as she had been able to get up, Kate had asked to be taken to Bernie. She had to make sure her sister was really all right. Well, apart from being in a timewarp-induced coma, of course. She sat in the room for several hours, tracing with her eyes the face as familiar as her own, noting the pallor and the bruises on the temple. Kate had been told Bernie had a broken elbow, and she blamed herself. She had tackled her to the floor roughly, her only idea having been to get far enough from the IED. Luckily, it was Bernie’s left arm, not her operating one. Even after she had been discharged, Kate tried to come at least every other day.

She visited Serena, too – she couldn’t take Cameron at his word. Only when she arrived on Serena’s porch did she doubt her step – after all, she knew of Serena, but she had no idea if Bernie had talked about her identical twin. She rang the bell and a woman with short, grey hair and a drawn face opened the door. Kate just had time to catch her before the other woman fell down in a faint. Kate managed to drag Serena to the couch and to pull her on it. Then she found the kitchen and poured water in a glass.

“Bernie… You can’t be here…”

Kate came back to the lounge: “Ms Campbell – I’m so sorry – I’m Kate – Kate Stewart – Bernie’s sister. I’m not sure if she told you about me?”

A faint smile formed on Serena’s lips: “The elusive Kate Stewart, secret agent – yes, she mentioned you – she said you saw each other once in a blue moon…”

Kate grinned sheepishly: “I’ve got a demanding job. Serena – I’m here because…”

“Because your nephew told you I was drinking myself to death? He’s probably right.”

Kate bit her lips. The small gesture was so Bernie it tore at Serena’s heart. Lost in her grief, she almost missed what Kate was saying. “I can’t let you do that, Serena – Bernie would never forgive me.”

“Bernie’s dead, Kate – haven’t you heard?”

“She’s alive!” Kate blurted out; Fuck! Now she’d done it – why was she such a bad liar?

“She is dead”, said Serena, as if she was talking to a little child. “She was hit by an IED in Mogadishu.”

Kate shook her head – she would have to tell the truth, at least a version of the truth, and hope Serena would believe her.

“I was there too.” No need to explain why or when… the fewer details the better. “On mission.” Suitably vague. “I… I got to her just in time – we – my colleagues and I… She wasn’t …We took her to her own hospital – we’re used to that kind of injury – she’s going to be all right. You just need to be a little more patient. When she wakes up, I’ll take you to her. I swear.”

Serena was looking at her incredulously: “And you expect me to believe you?”

Kate sighed: “Serena – look into my eyes – Bernie and I – we’re alike that way – we can’t tell lies… Look into my eyes, you’ll see I’m telling you the truth.”

Serena stared at her thoughtfully and started to cry. “I want to believe you,” she said between sobs. “I think I do believe you.”

A little later, as the two women were sharing a glass of wine, Serena sought Kate’s eyes again – the blonde was right, neither she nor Bernie could ever play poker. “Why didn’t you say something to Cameron? Why did you let him think…”

Kate gave her an agonised look: “Don’t you think I blame myself everyday for that? I just couldn’t – it wouldn’t have been safe. He’ll probably never forgive me, but – I’ll take my chance. I didn’t have a choice.”

Serena nodded: “Fair enough.”


	5. Chapter 5

**UNIT Hospital, Surrey, end of September **

The first word on Bernie’s lips was “Serena”. Then, “water”… And then, when she opened her eyes fully, blinded by the harsh neon lights of the hospital room, and saw Kate: “You have to tell my CO where I am. My colleagues – they’ll be worried.”

Kate rushed to the bed and held her twin tightly in her arms: “Bern – you’ll never change, will you? Always thinking of others first.”

Bernie drifted away again into sleep and only when she was fully conscious of her surroundings did Kate give her an abridged version of the last few months. The same she had told Serena. She would carry her secret to her own grave – the Doctor would never tell. She had arrived in time – the army hadn’t found her body, had declared her MIA. Everyone was grieving, but they would be ecstatic to see her alive. Everyone, especially Serena.

“Really?” asked Bernie in a small voice. “Because…The last time we saw each other…We said goodbye.”

Kate held her sister tighter, trying to give her her strength: “I know – Serena told me. She also told me you still loved each other, and that you, sis, had promised to go back to her if she ever got hurt. She told me to tell you: “ditto”. In fact, she can tell you herself in a few minutes.”

Bernie’s eyes shone so brightly Kate feared she might have a fever and touched her brow, but it was cool and dry. She swore to herself that if Serena ever hurt Bernie again, she would kill her with her bare hands. She was against violence, but… She pressed Bernie’s hand gently, kissed her lightly on the cheek and disengaged herself and left the room, closing the door behind her

As Serena hesitated behind the door, Kate knocked for her and all but pushed her into the room, closing the door back behind her. When she came back a few minutes later to check if everything was all right, the two women were in each other’s arms, kissing. Serena’s fingers ran through Bernie’s short hair and Bernie clung to her as if she was drowning. She coughed discreetly and the two women came up for air, both turning to look at her, their hands tightly clasped together. Kate mustered a smile and told them she would come back later.

As Kate walked away from the hospital, her heart couldn’t decide if it was full of joy or full of sadness – the pangs of her own loneliness fought the joy she felt at seeing Bernie alive and happy. She had done her duty – her father would have been proud of her. And duty came before everything, even love – he would have told her that, too. Her phone rang in her pocket and she reached for it: “Stewart!... Osgood – yes, yes, I’m listening – go on – right – I’ll be there in ten. Get everyone in the meeting room – we’ve got work to do.”


End file.
